Tender Times

The last few weeks have been quite tender to say the least. A health problem has arisen and every day has been tests, ultrasound, mammography, biopsy and of cause …… waiting. Not yet in the clear but feeling more and more positive every day that no matter what the outcome, the sun will rise tomorrow, and a new day of possibility and hope will follow.

This tender time has made me stop and take stock. Take stock of where life is going and where true happiness lies. Most prominently in my thoughts though, if I knew I had to say goodbye, what words would I want my three girls to hear. It feels like there should be a much bigger and more profound way to say “I love you” How to tell them that just the thought of them catches and takes my breathe away, that I love them so much that every morning and every night I have pure happiness just knowing them. I feel like I need to hold every moment in my mind, every smile, every tear, every cheeky joke and beg for time to slow down. Yet I long for tomorrow.. tomorrow brings more smiles and tears.

Then last night as I cuddled all three in my bed and they laughed and squirmed and fought to be the one that lays next to mumma, the two free range chickens looked at me and said in unison “love you mum’” I knew, and I felt….

“I love you” is enough

….and here I sit

While the washing piles up and the windows remain dirty

….here I sit.

While the telephone rings and appointments are missed,

….here I sit

While the daddy man cooks dinner and the midnight flame burns,

….here I sit.

engrossed, with nothing short of an addiction to Bryce Courtney's poetic word. His amazing written word, I travel to Beautiful Bay & Japan and into the lives of his sublime characters with their misfortunes and amazing lives. His books are the only novels I read so approximately once a year for one week, I am lost, beautifully lost in his words, my family with their knowing glances that mumma will eventually finish the book and life will return to normal.  So for a few more days,

….here I sit…..